Wednesday, October 21, 2009

If You Wanna Be My Luvaaaaa

For the modern woman, dating can be such a quagmire. What are the rules? When do I declare my undying love? When do we have sex?

When you are in, shall we say, a dry patch...there's only one way out of it, and that is to get you a little sumthin' sumthin'.

Now, if you're looking for Mr. Right, you are not allowed to give him any sugar right away. You have to wait and you have to get to know each other. It's a fact.

But you will spontaneously combust if you don't have your engine tuned up. Therefore, you have to get your lube job elsewhere.

So, basically, you need to separate "Potential Mr. Right" and "The Mechanic", if you know what I mean. They each have their skills and abilities, but they must not be considered for the same ....job.

You wouldn't go to the hair dressers to buy eggs, would you?

So the rules are different for Mr. Mechanic and for Mr. Right.

Mr. Right:
- No sex for three months
- No declarations of love before you have sex
- No talk of marriage, co-habitation, key exchange in the first year

Mr. Mechanic
- Have sex, lot's of sex
- Do not inquire as to his health or well-being
- Do not ask any questions that are designed to get to know him better
-Chose him purely on his physical attributes. But, in a particularly lonnnngggg dry spell,prepare to invest in paper bags that are roughly head-sized

And finally, for variety, purchase a vibrator, whip up a tiny suit for it on your sewing machine and introduce him to all of your friends as your new luvvaaaaa....


  1. Fab advice! THe question now is, if you have a good mechanic, do you even need Mr. Right?


  2. AAahhhh...there's the rub.

    In my humble opinion, Mr. Mechanic is rather one-dimensional. He will do one job, and do it very well. There will be no faulting his expertise.

    But Mr. Right is three-dimensional. He will satisfy the same needs that Mr. Mechanic satisfies, but on a deeper, more profound and loving level. He is a great all-rounder', the whole package, the big enchilada. He satisfies your emotional needs as well, something Mr. Mechanic is not equipped for.

  3. Are you now doing a blog for the lovelorn sista?

  4. Hey Sis, I'm thinking of becoming the "Ann Landers" for sex and the single woman!